Marital Intimacy
Song of Solomon 1:1-4
According to God, what our culture calls “casual sex” does not exist. Casual sex or sex without strings is a lie. A one-night stand is a relationship with invisible strings to someone you don’t know or want to stay involved with. It costs us in unwanted pregnancies, STDs, emotional scars, and low self-esteem.[i]
The price many pay for casual sex is high. Sexual attraction is inevitable, and God intended for us to procreate. We will miss God’s best for us and suffer the consequences if we don’t follow His plan. Akin states:
Sociologists and marriage and family counselors are now discovering that the most emotionally and physically satisfying sex increases when sex is with committed partners, and that satisfaction from sex increases with sexual exclusivity (one partner only), emotional investment in the relationship, and a lasting horizon for the marriage.[ii]
God intended it to be this way. As little girls, we are taught to save our virginity for marriage. I agree that this is the best practice. It keeps us from untold heartache. Unfortunately, there is an underlying double standard that it is okay for men to have premarital sex but not women. This contradiction is a lie of the enemy and can impact marriages in ways that are unseen at first. When either partner has sexual encounters before the wedding, it creates jealousy that is difficult to overcome. It generates a
subconscious comparison that is unfair to both parties. A safe and trusting marriage deserves a better start.
Two people get married, fulfill the marriage covenant, and become one. Neither party continues to live for themselves but for one another. Together they are a new unit, a new diversity, a new family that has been established. Both the man and woman remain distinct persons. Yet, from God’s point of view, the two now share a mystery of oneness. The apostle Paul wrote about this in Ephesians.
Men and women becoming one in marriage symbolize Christ and the church as one. They enter the marriage covenant separately and walk out of the ceremony one flesh with a shared identity. Different backgrounds, families, educations, hurts, and habits—yet now, in covenant, they are one.[iii]
We live in a contract-orientated society, which is different from the covenants described in the Bible. Secular contracts are made for a limited time. They often deal with specific actions based on an “if … then …” mentality and are motivated by a desire to get something. Biblical covenants are much different. They are initiated for the other person’s benefit, make people unconditional promises, are based on steadfast love, and view commitments as permanent.[iv] The marriage bed is the only blood covenant we still keep with God. All the covenants God has made with man require a blood sacrifice. After The Fall, there was an offering of blood in the covenant with Adam and Eve in the garden. In God’s covenant with Noah, an animal was sacrificed,
and blood was shed. In the covenant God made with Abraham, God provided the ram, and there was blood. The covenant between God and Moses required circumcision. More blood. Out of all the covenants God created, the marriage covenant is the only one that still spills blood today, but only if the bride is a virgin.
Ladies, you have a unique and privileged role in the marriage covenant. If you are a virgin, you carry the covenant seal for your marriage—the spilled blood from the broken hymen seals the covenant between God and the couple.
Why do you think shedding blood is necessary to seal a covenant?
Do you think enough importance is on today’s youth to wait for sex until marriage?
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[i] Daniel L. Akin, Christ-Centered Exposition, Exalting Jesus in Song of Songs (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2015). Pg. 8-9.
[ii] Daniel L. Akin, Song of Songs, Pg. 9. How To Begin A Divine Love Story Song of Songs 1:1-4. Accessed: February 24, 2022, http://www.danielakin.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/SoS-1.1-4-How-To-Begin-A-Divine-Love-Story-Manuscript-kh.pdf
[iii] Our Daily Bread, Covenant of Marriage, Accessed October 3. 2021, https://ourdailybread.org/covenant-of-marriage/.
[iv] Lifeway, Marriage: Covenant of Contract?, Posted: January 1, 2014. Accessed: October 3, 2021, https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/homelife-marriage-covenant-or-contract.
